


The Apology of Apples

by whyteboardmarker



Series: Fruit Basket [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Apple Pie, F/M, Food Fight, Humour, Toasters, Weddings, apology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5969308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyteboardmarker/pseuds/whyteboardmarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor has done something horrible, so bad in fact that it could make him lose one of his regenerations. He doesn't want to lose this body! His wife rather likes it. To apologise, he has brought pie. After all, everyone loves pie right? <i>Right?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Apology of Apples

**Author's Note:**

> No copyright infringement intended. All characters belong to the BBC.

It was a beautiful morning in London. There were no clouds in the sky to bring the usual downpour of rain. Birds were whistling a synchronised jaunty tune that oddly soundly like a sixties song. The leaves of the mighty trees were swaying in soft motions as the wind gently caressed them. The grass were jittery little fellows however, bending and popping back as if playing a game. Beautiful flowers in every colour sent their pollen to bring visitors to sample their lovely nectars. Nature was at its best, celebrating the days of spring.

Inside a flat on the Council Estates held a Time Lord. Not only was he the last of his kind but was the very brave man who married the daughter of fearsome woman called Jackie Tyler. Now this was a legendary woman. Those who felt the brunt of her slap said it was like a strike of lightning with the echoing clap of thunder to herald its hit. No man (or woman) in their whole mind would dare to cross her. 

It was this reason why the very same Time Lord was now in a worked up state. He had done something. Something he prayed to every idol that Jackie would let pass or forgive him since they were now family. He rushed to salvage the situation that he knew there was no hope left but as he had once said...hope is a good emotion.

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"I don't even want to know what kinky things you get up to in that box of his!"

"Mum!" Rose scolded, blushing. "We're married."

"And you didn't even deny that he's kinky!" Jackie swung the plastic bag at Rose, softly hitting her with the loaf of bread.

"Well stop talking about it if you didn't want to know!" Rose shouted, exasperated. 

Her mother was like a dog with a bone. The topic came up when Jackie literally bumped into a shifty-acting teenage boy on the pavement, his purchases from the nearby druggist scattering onto the ground. All three bent to pick them up but the boy was particularly focused on finding a specific one but Jackie beat him to it. She gave him a condescending look as she handed him a box of condoms since he did look too young to be dallying with the ladies. The youngster blushed, mumbled a thank you and hurried out of their way. Jackie shook her head at his retreating form while Rose commended him for using protection...which led to their current topic of conversation.

"Fine!" Yelled Jackie. "For all I know he does some weird alien ritual to get it up."

Rose slapped her forehead in frustration. "He's normal mum. The most alien thing he does is telepathy sometimes but humans aren't too evolved for it." Why were they still discussing this?

"So he still does something alien then?"

Rose just wanted this conversation to end. "Well he is alien but when we," she coughed, "it's completely normal."

Jackie hummed thoughtfully and remained silent, thankfully. Rose wondered what her husband was doing since they've left. Her mother had a hankering for toast this morning but alas, there was no bread. Rose offered to pop into the shop two blocks away but Jackie wanted to take the walk saying it was good for her knees. They compromised and decided to go together as it was a long time since they had had a mother-daughter chat which she was current grateful had ended. 

Rose was eager to get back to the flat and join her husband, wondering what he was doing to amuse himself. The Doctor got bored quite quickly which in turn encouraged him to find trouble. She just hoped he hadn’t wrecked the flat by then. Checking her phone, she calculated it was only seventeen minutes since they had left the flat. He shouldn’t be able to find any…difficulties in the flat in that short period of time. If he did however, then he was the trouble magnet. She fondly recalled that he was almost strangled by a plastic arm the first time he set foot in her then home. With her help, of course, he lived to tell the tale.

They approached the yard of the estate, passing some children playing footy. Rose watched the scrawniest of them all blocked a goal from the opposing team and smiled. Never underestimate the skinny ones. Jackie opened her bag to find the bag of crisps she bought together with the bread. Rose rolled her eyes, typical of her mother to spoil her appetite. Jackie passed the crisps to her, wordlessly offering her some but she shook her head. She was fine with buttered toast for breakie thank you very much. She did take the bread however, she was going to put some slices in the toaster as soon as she arrived.

They hiked up the stairs to the flat, the silence between them comforting until they heard a crash from their flat. Jackie looked at Rose accusingly as it was her husband who was in the flat apparently wreaking havoc. She just looked back completely innocent since she had no clue what the Doctor was doing. Jackie harrumph and opened the door with Rose silently hoping he was not about to get himself killed.

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The Doctor jumped as door opened, revealing an already fuming Jackie. He had knocked over a glass when he burnt his finger on one of the pies resulting in a crash but he repaired it with the sonic so there was no harm done. He stepped forward to embrace Jackie when she and his wife entered the flat.

“Jackie! Aren’t you looking quite fine this lovely morning?” He released her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“What have you done you poof?” Jackie narrowed her eyes at him while Rose’s widened at the insult.

“Mum!” Rose chastised, walking into the kitchen with the bread she took from her mother. She stopped. He smiled and walked to stand behind her. He watched her eyes trail over the pies and pastries, all freshly baked. 

“Doctor?” Rose called, still looking at all the pies.

“Yes love?” He kissed her cheek, still mindful of her mother standing a few metres away.

“Where did all this come from?” His lovely wife asked.

At her question Jackie rushed into the kitchen, gasping when she saw all the baked goods.

“There must be enough to feed the whole of Bucknall Hall!” Jackie picked up a pie and sniffed it, apparently oblivious to the fact that they were still hot. “Are they all apple?”

The Doctor wrapped his arms around Rose, propping his head on her shoulder. “Yup.” He pooped the p, then burrowed his nose into his wife’s neck, making her giggle.

“Oi! Keep it for that box of yours!” Jackie shouted at them, still surveying the baked goods. “Where did they come from?” She asked.

“The bakery on the High Street. I ordered them last week then picked them up this morning.”

Jackie furrowed her brow. “You weren’t here last week.”

The Doctor scoffed. “Time-machine. Child’s play.”

Rose took his hand from her waist and squeezed it questioningly, he just squeezed back reassuringly. He didn’t want her panicking, he had this under control. Or so he thought.

“What did you do?” Jackie asked again.

“What makes you think I’ve done anything?” He snuggled back into Rose.

“You don’t do this.” Jackie gestured at the kitchen table, the stove and the counter. “But I do know one thing you are guaranteed to do.” He gulped. “Trouble.” Jackie shot lasers out of her eyes at him.

The Doctor tried to use Rose as a shield but that piercing gaze went right through her. He was caught but perhaps he could still salvage the situation.

“I do not cause trouble!” He declared. 

Rose snorted. The Doctor clapped his hand over her nose and mouth. She continued, escalating into full blown laughter.

“Rooose!” He whined. She was clearly not backing him up right now.

She removed his hand from her face and used it to wipe away the tears of her mirth. She turned and riffled through his jacket pocket to find a handkerchief, blowing her nose forcefully on it. She quieted down to soft giggles, clutching his lapel. Couldn’t she see he needed her support?

“I’m sorry Doctor.” She blew her nose again. “It’s just that trouble loves you.” She kissed his nose. “Or you go looking for it,” she continued, quirking her right eyebrow.

He raised his left, their eyebrows a mirror image, Rose began with a small smile before building up to peals of laughter. It didn’t take long for him to follow as usual, he was a sucker for the one and only Rose Tyler. Both bellowed in hilarity, with Rose clutching her left side with the Doctor holding her hips. His wife was so beautiful at that moment, she was radiant, blinding like a thousand suns. He just had to kiss her, he held her cheek and leant down to-

“Oi!” Interrupted his harpy of a mother-in-law, “I was talking!” Jackie continued to glare at him.

He reluctantly released Rose but kept her at his right side, holding her hand. He would need all the strength to confess. He swallowed, as if the air he gulped contained gaseous bravery that would go directly into his bloodstream.

“I-erm,” he began, using his left hand to tug at his wonky ear. “The toaster may have accidentally…” He trailed off. Surely she could infer from that but she refused. Jackie gave him a look that said to continue. He swallowed again. “It broke.” He stated in two simple words.

Jackie didn’t even flinch as he poured his fears out. She simply nodded as if she had expected that. He sagged in relief, closing his eyes. She wasn’t screaming at him as was the norm but his relief was short lived. He only had a fraction of a second to register an apple pie flying at his face. He ducked in time for it to pass over his head, a few hairs getting coated with sugared apple pieces. Eyes widened in fright, he stared at Jackie who was in the process of picking up another pie.

“No! No wait!” He shouted, waving his two hands frantically at her.

“Why?” The pie was settled in her throwing arm, waiting to be launched. 

“I’ll get you another toaster!”

Splat! He dodged another pie, crashing into Rose, narrowly missing his side being coated.

“Not good enough.” Jackie found another, weighing it carefully in her hands before once again transferring it to her right hand. “What did I say about my property?”

“That Howard bought them for you?” He answered unwisely.

“No!” She screamed.

The pie went flying at his beautiful face but he ducked and rolled to the left, bypassing the missile. He looked around him, if he didn’t put a stop to this then the entire flat would be covered with pastry. Such a waste. Everyone loved pie! It was time for drastic measures, well the pies were his first drastic measure plan but it was obvious it had failed quite miserably as it was currently backfiring on him. Reaching into his right breast pocket he pulled out a receipt, waving it at Jackie like a white flag indicating his surrender. Both women looked at him in confusion, unsure of what he was trying to do.

“Well aren’t you curious to know what this is?” He said, still crouched on the floor.

Jackie placed the pie (since when did she had another one) back onto the counter, and walked over to him. He shivered slightly in fear at the look she gave him as she plucked the pearly paper from his hand. She read it, her face sceptical as she studied the words.

“This is for the premier wedding hall in all of London. You have it for some time next month.” 

He stood up and smiled, nodding for her to continue.

“Is this a trick?” 

Pulling Rose back to his side, he answered his mother-in-law’s question. “No.” He kissed his wife.

“Is it true Doctor?” Rose’s eyes were shining up at him. He wiped the tiny bit of moisture from the corner of her left eye.

“Yes love. How do you feel about a white dress?”

She sobbed with a laugh, hitting him on the arm.

“Ow,” he feigned, smiling at her. “What will you do me then if I say where we’re going for our honeymoon?”

“We only have a month.” Jackie stated, stabbing the paper with her pointy fingers. “One month Doctor. How am I to do anything?”

He hugged his wife who was doing some weird crying/laughing at the moment. “How many times have I told you Jackie? Time machine.”

She pursed her lips and quieted while he breathed a sigh of relief. The news was supposed to be a surprise for later on but the situation was dire. 

“What made you decide then?”

“Sorry?” He was distracted by Rose who was drawing tiny circles on his chest.

“What made you decide to have a human wedding?” Jackie tapped her foot. Waiting for a response.

He shrugged in a less care manner, looking at the floor. Rose looked at him and came to his rescue.

“Mum, we don’t need a reason to get married,” she explained, then under the breath murmured, “again.” He poked her for her indignant remark, she squirmed, giggling.

Jackie studied them intently, he wondered if she was trying to see into their souls. She looked at the receipt again, examining the pearly paper, mouthing words silently to herself.

“I want the invitations printed in a pale pink in this material.” She handed him the receipt back to him. “Get them done within the day. The guests will have to RSVP.”

Rose furrowed in confusion. “Mum! Everyone is from the estate, save a few of our,” she pointed at the Doctor and herself, “friends who we’ll tell personally.”

Jackie scoffed. “There has never been an estate wedding in this hall Rose! Only the posh can afford it. You will have the wedding of my dreams!”

“Don’t you mean Rose’s dreams?” He asked. His mother-in-law was quite wedding crazy it seemed. Perhaps he had created a monster.

She flipped her hand at him. “I can marry off my only daughter once Doctor, I’m sure you’ll understand when you knock her up.”

Both Rose’s and his cheeks flamed red at her comment. Did Jackie ever stopped the awkwardness?

“Mum!” Rose cried, stuffing her face into his chest, he rubbed her back. 

“We probably aren’t even compatible,” he whispered rather forlorn. Oh how he wanted a child created with his Rose. He could imagine a son with his wild hair or a daughter with her mother’s expressive eyes, utterly perfect children.

She barked a sarcastic laugh. “I’ll believe it if you two don’t come bearing news within a year.” 

“Are you questioning my control Jackie?” Who was his mother-in-law to predict the future? Was he not the Time Lord? Plus Rose on the birth control shot, very effective according to three galaxies.

“I thought we established you had none Doctor?” His wife shocked him, blatantly flirting in front of her mother! He gasped, then regained his composure.

“Are you sure I’m the one that has none Rose?” He winked at her victoriously as she blushed as pink as her namesake. She hid her face on his lapels again, he could feel the heat radiating from her cheeks.

“Oi! No baby making under my roof!” Yelled Jackie, making them both jump apart. They still held hands however.

“But we aren’t doing anything!” He shouted, utterly confused. Did Jackie not know how conception happened? She did gave birth to Rose after all.

“This counts as foreplay,” she wagged her finger at both of them, “it’s considered part of sex.” 

He blushed this time, she was right. It was usually this flirty banter that led to him shagging her daughter on the next available surface without an audience. 

“Fine.” He took a deep breath to clear his mind (which was near impossible with his brain always ticking) and brought Rose back to his side. 

“How many invitations do you want mum?” Rose asked, still slightly pink in the cheeks.

Jackie was pensive as she considered the number. “Make it around one hundred. There’s all your friends, my friends and I’m guessing he’s capable of having friends,” he let out an insulted oi at that, “so one hundred should be just about fine.”

“That’s enough I suppose.” Rose pursed her lips. “We’ll organise with the caterers, decorator and florist together. We’ll pick you up.”

“And the dress!” Jackie exclaimed. “I assume he,” she gestured at himself, “is paying for all this.”

“Just don’t overdo it Jackie. I’m a poor man.” Well technically that wasn’t true, he did have his UNIT salary sitting in the bank collecting interest. It’s just if she knew how much, she would give them a wedding that would rival royalties’. He balked at the idea.

“I’ll call when we are going to do wedding stuff mum.” Rose said, ending the short wedding talk. “We’ll pick you up.”

“Don’t forget,” Jackie warned, “there’s a lot to plan.”

“We won’t.” The both echoed, this was a surprise to both of them. Last ten minutes was a food fight and now there was wedding talk.

Jackie came up to them and squeezed her daughter tightly, kissing her on the cheek before moving on to him. She planted a squishy wet kiss on his nose which had him barely disguising himself of disgust. He tried to escape her arms but she got him, hugging him with the strength of an anaconda. He flayed his arms like an errant child, trying unsuccessfully to escape but no such luck. It was only until after she had released him, he swore he could breathe without engaging his bypass.

“You better make good on your promise to call,” she called after them as they made their way to the door. 

“We won’t forget.” Rose shouted back. “There’s no way I’m missing my own wedding.” Rose jabbed him in his side. He squirmed again, she had pointy fingers! He didn’t mind them when they were on his back however…

“I’ll bring her when you call Jackie. You are our official wedding planner!”

“So make sure you answer my calls then.” With that she shut the door behind them.

Rose didn’t move but turned to face him, tracing his lapel. He took her hand and kissed it, revelling in her warmth her body gave.

“Doctor? You know I’m not bothered with an Earth wedding.” She smoothed his tie and looked into his eyes. “Why?”

He took her other free hand and kissed it as well, then bringing her hands to rest over both his hearts. “I want you to experience marriage in the way of your people Rose, even if it’s with an alien.” He waggled his brows for effect; it worked, she laughed.

“Only if you let me bond with you.” She winked at him.

He slid his hands from her hands to her bum, playfully squeezing and kneading. “Deal.”

“You think that was enough foreplay inside?” Her fingers crept to his nipples, scraping them over his suit with her nails.

“More than enough. Can’t wait to shag you bent over the console.” He pulled her to feel his raging erection (two hearts increased the rate of blood flow) he had developed.

“I can still hear you nutters!” Jackie screamed from inside.

He was sure his face mirrored the look of horror etched on his wife’s face.


End file.
